This post was written over 2 years ago ,I have never posted it , reading it now reminded me of those dark days .. when I had a suppressed voice , and couldn't really protest or simply object , this changed a bit now , the feelings are still strong and clear , but I came a long way in taming them , and most importantly , I have grew up that state of bewilderment and victim like state, and now I am actively using my mind before my tongue , and that's one important thing when it comes to marriage  .. i never finished properly , but I am leaving it as it is .. 

" It's been almost 9 years since the last time I posted anything at all .. almost a decade .. a whole life has happened and ended in that time .. a new person has emerged from all those different life experiences and obstacles  ..2 beautiful souls were produced .. that I'd protect with my life .. and my once solo life is now a family fully booked journey .. I often tend to forget to count my blessings .. and focus on the negative things that emerged into my life .. its only because it sucked up my energy and ability to live well and happy ..I feel that I can write whatever I want here .. i know for sure that after 9 years of silence no one would really care to read .. so lets say.. i am venting out ... because with time i've learned few things :

1- as true as the saying " misery loves company" but no one really likes to befriend a miserable person .. even your friends who would put up with your misery for as long as they can .. but eventually it'll push them away.. not to mention swamping your parents with all the awfulness that you've been through .. it will constantly put them in anxiety and fear for you and the progress of what should be your new and second life .. conclusion.. you have to suck it up .. and vent it somewhere else ..

2- Love .. is a state of mind that sometimes comes with an expiry date .. meaning .. when your drunk with fatal attraction, day dreams and assumptions of what will life be once you're together .. love is a cute word .. like this beautiful huge bubble that contains all sorts of peaceful things in it .. however , once the bubble bursts .. true colors appear , what once has been your best dream and finest person .. could be the one thing you want to run away from .. you wish to undo .. erase .. but .. you cannot just run away .. life doesn't really work that way .. not like movies .. really .. movies tricked you into believing that all beautiful things happen once your married and you can just face anything together .. but thats a total bull shit m excuse my french !

3- everything is bearable ... until in-laws are involved .. trust me on that one .. especially if your other so called half is hypnotized to believe that his life would be doomed and he'll be thrown into hell if he didn't take in his mother , whom is originally , living in her own house with her maid and with her own emotional and psychological issues  , and decided to simply combine her life with yours .. so after having her visiting constantly for 3 long months every year .. now she's inhabited your house .. and even worse .. you have to cook her always even if its your day off or day out .. and she's as slimy as slime .. oh ... I could go on on that for a full book ... simply .. cannot co inhabitant with her.. she'l like a slow venom to all daughter in laws .. but she doesn't care ... 

4- your kids .. are the only bright side on your story .. you'd give them your love and soul .. they're the only thing that makes you keep going .. they're precious .. so precious .. that doesn't mean that you don't find yourself sometimes wanting to trade them with your freedom .. however .. you know that you can't and they can't live without each others .."