Reflections of loneliness , love and boredom ..

(Reflection 1) ... Its 5:50 p.m. , 10 more minutes to pass and the day is over . She grabbed her handbag, went to her friend on the office across the hall, asked her what’s she’s up to this evening? her friend had some family related issue .So her company offer was denied . Smiling at her, she wished her colleague friend a nice evening , and headed to the elevator , back to home ..

(Reflection 2) ... 10:15 p.m. , his friend’s name blinking all over his mobile screen , he picked up the call , his friend asked him if he’s free tonight for their usual late night coffee ,drive and chat session .. he answered in surrender “yeah.. sure”. It was his choice to go out in that routine drive or to not , though , whether this or that , it all had the same taste , nothing really special ..

(Reflection 3)... It was approaching 9:30 when he looked at his watch, he was still in the office , digging between papers , trying to finish that work proposal , he didn’t feel time , it’s not that he enjoys his work to the extent to forget the outer world .. though, his world , inner and outer has became work .. everything seems the same , he felt alone whether between papers or people .

(Reflection 4) ... As the customer reached for his pocket, she asked “VISA or Cash sir ?” he answered VISA , she smiled automatically as he given her the card , she drew the money , gave it back to him , with his bag of purchases and waited for the next . The man , didn’t even bother to eye contact her .But she’s used to that . It’s part of the job, to practice being a talking piece of furniture, whenever required.

(Reflection 5)... The waiter came with the orders tray , she had her lemon mint juice , the girls around her were loud and laughs-full , everybody seemed to have a good time , she seemed to have a good time too , still , she didn’t know why that agitating feeling of nonexistence wrapped her even as she smiled at their jokes .


(Reflection 6) ... It’s almost noon , she has been staring at her computer screen for the past 4 hours , faking work , trying to read her work emails , forming the replies , without any success finishing anything . Her mind is diving somewhere out of this small cubical, somewhere sunny , breezy with a view to clear her tired eyes , mind and heart . and it wouldn’t harm if she met someone in that breezy sunny place , and it wouldn’t be too bad if it turned out to be the one . she sighed , and went back into staring at her computer screen.

(Reflection 7)...Dancing with the rhythm, his arms twirling her, she gave him big smile and moved along , the second the music changed he nodded his head , and went back to his seat leaving her dancing with another cousin in the wedding , giggles and laughs all around , his mother winking him with agreement about that girl , but his mind was away , far away with someone he didn’t meet yet , a lady he imagined to spend his life with , yet , he doesn’t seem to find her , anywhere .

Imperfections.. spices of personality

So .. its about time for another post .. been a while .. hasn’t it ?!

My friend and I were having a cozy chat the other day over some coffee , in the middle of the conversation , she said something that made me think , she said , people ,tend to look up the faults and imperfections instead of appreciating the personalization of flaws .

Humans .. are perfectionists by nature , we all aspire to get the perfect education , the perfect job , the perfect car , the perfect life and the perfect partner , its in our genes , but , when we look closer , we see that our lives and choices are further away from perfect , we try , we put the guidelines , and we take a look , then study , and measure , assess the good and bad , and then we announce our verdict .

It could be a valid procedure, when it comes to things that we buy , eventually , we need the value of our purchases to match what we have paid . But, when its non-purchasable value or entity, does the same method apply? As in , choosing friends or more precisely life partners ? Is it the same when we choose people whom we may think of as a possible partner? or is that if we fell in love , we no longer see imperfections ,We simply see what we want to see and forget all about those flaws we usually think of as a deal breaker ? So ,if its love , then no imperfections would be visible . But again, falling in love is the perfect case of finding the life partner, because , the real things is , far , far away ..

The thing is .. as we walk along the path of our lives ,and as we make our decisions , scan and sort people out , we should remember a small thing , that even though we aspire and believe that we deserve perfection in all what we intend to have and live with .. that still, we , ourselves, are far away from perfect .And that flaw s, those small imperfections ,personalizes us , as well as those around us , differentiate us and makes us simply , more spicy , unique and special .

Staying alive ..

I have finally written a vacation request , finally , after killing my self off in working , hard , staying late at work , missing my gym classes which has grown to be a routine for me in the past three years , passing through ongoing depression and frustration phases , stopping to believe in my abilities every now and then , and then again , recharge my powers to keep on believing in them , suffering an ugly moody state , missing the relaxed serenity of not worrying about anything after leaving work to home , spending weekends rehabilitating from the long tiring work days and surprising business trips , putting up with heavy kidding and “entertaining characters” , add to that , ugly competition . Finally, I’ll be able to take a break from this headache.

I realize that I am stealing those few moments of my work time to type down my thoughts, I have been wanting to do this for sooooo long, every time I pass through this state of repulsive depressed mood, I feel the need to vent it out into words, share it with my screen , for it wont get bored of my complain, which unfortunately affecting me in so many ways and which for some reason I cannot hide any longer .

Its surely not always as bad or frustrating, this style of vivid and speedy life isn’t always bad, it shows you what “precious time” mean, and you at some point get accustomed to it, however , its when you reach that point of taking no longer load , stress , suffering the delayed and pending success proves on your hard work , its then when you can no longer take it . It could be me , but for the past month and half , this cloud has been raining over my head showers of depression , frustration and self loathing .

Why?
It could because I’m always trying to prove myself to everybody around at work that I am capable of handling this , that I am , actually, the first female who is able to put up with all of this ongoing work load , and that eventually , the fruits of my hard work will have to grow big & sweet and all will enjoy a piece of it . And that I never accept defeat. when I started at this particular stream , I knew that pursuing this work will be a hard job , and I knew that it will take time , but I have also given myself a year to evaluate myself and see if I can handle the challenge .

Challenge, it’s the magical word that keeps your engines roar, your head high, and your footsteps steady and confident, that is of course , if you are up to it. And for me , it has been my only motivation , add to that those who has gambled that I wont make it and those who believed that I will make all of it, and every time I hear that I get more determined of going all through to the end , my goal is , cultivating those fruits , and then deciding if I can handle more of this war , or if I would be satisfied in winning a the battle and call it a challenge !

Do you believe in signs?

I am not really sure if I do. I had few incidents that made me stop believing in them, thinking that a decision or a feeling could possibly be taken or felt depending on random flying signs , that "happened to" match the mode of thinking you had for that period or day .

But how come that, sometimes, a thing happens that you don't give a lot of thought. And then, it happens again, so you pay attention to it. And then that thing forces itself to show up once more, so it finally attracts your attention and curiosity. And just like that, it gets a spot in your awareness of surroundings. And afterwards, the thing stops its pushiness into your life. So you wonder, but you do not over do it , until, it comes back, but this time with signs. All related to the subject of matter, but in different forms and three times in one day. Three very obvious and very subject related, where each sign feels as if it screams about its notion! Wouldn't that nock your mind off and make you think.. What does this mean?

So do I believe in signs ?! I don't know.. I am very tempted to, despite the fact how misleading they could be , I am attracted to the thought.
I guess , I'll be a better judge of that tomorrow , when the signs intensity demolishes , and things are normal again ..

Dull philosophical thoughts

How often do you say to yourself , when eating a delicious sweet in a pastries shop or a café , that if you owned this place you would never pass a day without having a piece of that delicious sweet you order almost every time you go into that café . Your tongue never gets tired of having the sugary taste sending pleasures of yummy signals to your brains making you feel all high and content? and then , here comes a time when you are there feeling like trying something different for a change , and suddenly , that pastries shop is out of all kinds but your sweet , but the problem is , you don't really feel like having it this time , yet you have it , simply because there is nothing else , it may still taste as good . But it also may taste less than usual , simply because you are out of options , and this is your only choice.


Same thing applies to life, whether it’s a person, a hobby or a job, whom or which you dearly care for and cherish, once you get over dosed with any of those, you probably will feel the need for some space, an open window where you can see another view , exhale some fresh air, and acknowledge the presence of other things in life other that what you have been destined to see for a good amount of time. Okay, I admit that I might have got carried away with trying to find resemblance between a piece of yummy pastry and other vital life issues, and I know that many wont probably agree with me putting people, hobbies and work all at the same rank, but maybe, if you looked at it from different angle and wear a different shoe – similar to mine - then maybe, you could see some rightness with my point of view ,( or it could be that I should find a better pair of shoes ! )

Do we hold affection for the people and devotion for the things we always cared for forever? Or do we pass through times where we loose that affection and devotion and feel surprisingly chocked with its magnitude? I mean, sometimes, caring for something or someone deeply and continually, can blind us from other things around us, especially if that thing or one is totally consuming, where you point all your efforts towards building, maintaining and keeping it. And it all evolves around it , where you have no choice to look for other "it(s)" around . But aren’t you entitled for a break? Where you can recover your breath, and forget all about forcing your whole-self to one thing? or does this analogy sound vague and a bit selfish ? I cannot quite decide.

I don't know, this could be a late night hallucination, a dull philosophical random thoughts, or a side effect of excessive and long work hours , that I might feel like crossing once I sober of this weird phase I am going through. But it does feel good to spill few thoughts out, I have not done it for a while, and now I can feel all good and comfy for letting out those cranky thoughts out of my head.

5 Things that you may (not) be very interested to know about me ..

I have been away from blogging and blogs for a while now, I am not able to read my favorite , regular blogs , nor check on them . you will have to excuse me guys for that , I really miss reading it all and catching up with every blog, but I might still need more time . add to that , I haven't been posting anything for sometime. It happens I guess .

So, I've been tagged twice, first time by Summer and second time by Tamara , to tell five things about me that you do not know ..

Hmmm.. this should be easy , since technically , no one reads for me knows me personally , well , okay , some might know me from work , and some might be my friends in real life , but the majority , do not know me in person . So, let's see:

1. I am intimidated by public speaking, especially in front of a group that is over 6 people of total strangers! I fear it to the maximum limits! I once had this workshop, the group consisted of 20 people and the workshop lasted for 2 days, one exercise was to stand in front of the U-shaped table and explain something on the white board. I was fine, until I realized that I'll be speaking in a loud voice in front of twenty something people whom I've just met! And, I'll spare you the details of my utter embarrassment, or I might just share it in another post one day!

2. Everybody seemed to mention the food and fruits they hate, and my share of that would be Eggplants and Guava, still, I like Baba ghanouj and Guava juice! And since we are still on food, I eat "7elbeh" and I do not find it gross! I bit many people will find this weird , most people I know hates it !

3. When I become passionate about something or someone, I just become "passionate" and I give it all my energies and resources, because I end up believing in this something or someone, but the bad part about that is, I am never patient enough to wait for results, I always unconsciously demand or expect fast results, whether at work on in my life, and I have to admit, that one should be patient and sometimes I lack this asset.

4. I am a hopeless case when it comes to singing a song with the its right words ! I can mumble my lips with what seems like its words, I could get a couple of words right, but the actual lyrics, never. And I'd end up making up a word to fit in instead of the real one, and sometimes a whole line ..


5. I over analyze things, and I am "the mother of assumptions" as a dear friend of mine calls me. There are things or situations that I would go over and over and over in my mind to an exhausting limit (makes me sound paranoid .. eah!) I assume all the time, and the annoying part is that; I believe my assumptions! And adjust myself to them before even the situation happens, very bad.. Yeah I know..

So, here I have shared a piece of my personality, not very cute, but true. And look at that , I thought I had nothing to write about , and I ended up with a medium sized post !

I will leave the tagging chain end here on this part though :) .. But whomever feels like sharing their "private 5 things", is always welcome to write them down.

Mumbles and inside wonders

How often do we mean the things we say?

How often do we mean it when we say to a friend or a close one that I'll be there for you in anytime and in any situation and we are THERE for them when they need us?

How often do we think that old flames of affection for people whom we've grown fond of will remain and stay the same or even ignite as time passes?

How often do we mean it when we say to someone we miss them, and when they say it back, do they really mean it? Then why is it we don't hear from them, unless if we picked the phone and dialed their numbers?

And how come "love" is a word that can be thrown on someone's ear, that in a matter of years it vanishes as if it never been pointed to our hearts , and they are strangers in the street?

And how many times we thought of a person as a friend, that we'll depend on his/her unquestioned and ongoing support and love, to find that years will steal those precious friendship senses of the relation, leave it all formal and dry?

How often we build dreams and wishes on imaginary basis, and then fall into our delusional illusions , to be shaken up later from those dreams and fall into the street of real life?

How often our sweetest memories of different intervals of life shape up our relations to some people , and as we think it will remain and sustain it forever , we get smacked by the one and only truth that nothing remains the same , even the best of relations ?

Is it that we love our past more than present? Is it that we "imagine" that those were a better days and yesterday is a day we lost and can never get back? Then why do we run for our future? Because it will be a past one day?

Who does even care …

Random thoughts .. Piece of my journal

It has been a while since the last time I posted anything. I can't really think of anything specific to write about, other than the fact that the last couple of weeks passed way too fast and were kind of loaded, I managed to have 4 days away from work though, taking a day off between Christmas holiday and weekend. I was kind of forced into taking that day off , since the HR announced , that any left over vacation since 2005 should be taken , otherwise , they will be gone with the wind the moment 2007 starts ! And since I am the type of person, who does not know how to take random days off – call me crazy, but seriously, I don't feel a vacation is worthy, unless well planned to be spent somewhere else ! – So I still had a couple of days from the year 2005.

I spent a whole four days away from work stress , did not even dare to check my work email , since I did not want anything to disturb this inner peace I was feeling , being totally relaxed , away from stress , numbers , figures , proposals to be prepared , purchase orders to wait for , reports before the end of the year , customers queries to be answered , excuses to be made for out of hand delays and staying late to finish pending issues and going over it with the manager. So I had a nice little vacation , went shopping a bit , watched TV , read a bit , worked out , went in family visits and of course slept as much as I can .

I got back to work yesterday, and I feel that I am kind of being punished for having that day off, because of the amount of work that should be finished now! I was planning to take Thursday off too, now I am not quiet sure if this will work out, I need to be done with so many things. Everybody wants to close this year, wrap things up, calculate budgets for next year and start fresh and clean in 2007 .And you know something; I still find it weird that 7 years have passed since the starter of the new millennium, time passes REALLY fast.

That was random diary type post, its probably boring, but who said diaries should always be interesting to read !

Enjoy the rain.. I think I have to go back to work and I'll plug my headphones , listen to some Arabic oldies , they always work perfectly with rainy weather .. don't you think so ?

Fairooz & I ..

I don't know what is it with me and Fairooz , it doesn't matter where , what or when .. but whenever I hear any of her innocent romantic love songs , I just melt away with the rhythm , while her voice awakens those tender hidden feelings in my heart . I simply live the words in a world of dreams, it just sinks in me, deep down , knocking on a seemingly hollow sleepy heart . and then it pounds and yearns for a mysterious love and an unknown passion . My eyes shed tears, and my mind visualizes pictures and scenes of her words creation. And in winter, it gets even worse, as if her songs are MADE for it, it just fits those cold long nights, those foggy grey rainy mornings, and lonely hearts ..

I wish I knew how to post a song , but I'll leave you with links for some of my favorites of hers ..

2adaysh kan fi nas

layali elshemal

Kenna netla2a

Allah Ma3ak ya hawana

7abaytak belsayf

Ba3dak 3ala bali

wa7don

Keefak enta

Questions ..

I just cannot understand what's going on in Palestine anymore.. why? Why is this chaos taking place? Why is everybody throwing accusation on the other's shoulders? Why is everyone trying to show the ugly part of the other? Why have they diverted from the one basic and original cause which standing one against occupation, to self and political wins matters? Why all of the sudden killing of other's children is a tool to punish a person who is a parent before being a person holding any political position or being in authority ? What by Allah's name justifies the civil war Palestinians are being driven into? And the most important question is.. Who is the beneficiary?

It surely can't be any of the Palestinian parties involved, because if they think they do, then struggle is surely doomed...

A tribute to ....... Nablus

Usually, when someone starts talking about where they have descended from, and which village, town or city they originated from, people around them, whether colleagues, friends, or in-laws may mistake it for either disloyalty for where they have been living for the past decades of their lives. , or simply, for a show off display.

However, the thing is, that we as humans tend to belong to a place, a home, something that we feel solidly hugged and immersed within, the question is, could it be more than one place? I believe, yes, it could be.

It’s a known fact that the population of this beautiful country, come from both sides of the river, we have both shared the resources and elevated up with everything that this generous land offered. And there is no doubt and no question to any of that. However, our hearts are divided in between. I have lived almost my whole life here , I've grown up here , had my full education here , have friends allover , know the streets of Amman like the back of my hand . Yet, I have this warm affection for my home town "Nablus".

Why am I bringing this up? Who cares about my home town? Who cares what do I feel for it, or in which way do I long for walking in its streets? For having some khdoud elset "whish is a yummy type of sweets prepared in Nablus, I prefer it even better than Kunafeh!" There is a good chance, no one will care. But that's okay, I simply felt this desire to type down few lines about it, and send it a tribute through them.

What has triggered it then? It could be those family chats about the old times, the way brothers gathered their families, having all cousins growing up under the same roof, knowing each others like siblings do. Those naughty funny stories of uncles and aunties deeds as kids, those richly colored memories with the taste and smell of the places they speak of , those pure little love stories , or even traditional marriage stories " they still had so many funny details within", it could be anything.

The truth is , as I'm typing these lines , I can picture myself , sitting on the garden's stairs on my grandparent house , overlooking the E'bal mountain ""عيبال , then walking down the street , all the way to the old town , smelling that roaster store on the way , entering those rocky aisles of the old city , celebrating my visuals with the ancient look of those stores going back to hundreds of years , hearing the old strong unique accent of my people blabbering . Passing by the spices merchants, and the soap factories, smelling that unique aroma for the Nabulsi soap. Heading towards Khan , buying some halaweh and Zalabiyeh " another Nabulsi sweet" and then going through the old neighborhoods , and all the way to the famous centre with the clock.

I can keep on talking about my childhood and teenage years memories there , and take you into a journey. But I think , this will probably need another post .


And to those whom are away from their hometowns, regardless which hometown they came from, I hope you'll be able to visit it again and celebrate your memories within.

I love you ya Nablus .. ya Jabal Elnar ..

Random non-business thoughts on ICT forum

I had an extremely busy week at work the past few days , and I've been cut out from the world of blogging for a while ,hopefully I'll be back to read my favorite blogs and post more thing now.

Exhibitions are usually boring, nerves burning and tiring by all means! having to stand up most of the time, being nice and talkative to people visiting, networking,on stand by mode for any one inspecting about the business line, to give a full detailed explanation for the really interested visitors, and even when the audience are out of the business scoop and end up to be random individuals looking for neat giveaways to take home and blabber about.

However, the Dead Sea ICT forum is more oriented and well organized to serve the genuinely interested individuals and companies in the information, communication and technology sectors.

I won't be diving into the technicalities and the agenda of sessions and discussions of the forum, nor the latest that has been officially announced or launched within, since I believe many other bloggers ((whom I have seen and recognized there, and to tell you the truth it was fun seeing them in real)) has already shared that with you in a very professional and elaborating form. I would only say that we have participated as partners with Int@j . After participating as delegates for the past years.

So, yesterday, I had to wake up early to take my time dressing up and attending the work before time to head afterwards with colleagues toward the Dead sea , convention palace.

The palace was crowded for sure; you would sense the business aura in the air, everybody pulling up the professional business looks and smiles, looking sleek and shiny. People were mingling, shaking hands, and business chatters all over the place.

I attended part of the conference opening, and then headed back to the booth, where we had a very busy, yet promising attendance.

After lunch, the session period started, and traffic on booths went down to minimum. However, the only session I attended was "Outsourcing Trends in the Region" which had a very interesting group of speakers and discussions .I would sum it up and say : people , outsourcing will be playing a part in the business process in this region in the coming few years !!

By the end of that session , I had no energy left to keep my eyes open , my feet were killing me for wearing the high heals for the whole day and standing up , climbing stairs , and my brains were about to explode after all of those business discussions during the day .

To conclude I would say All in all, it was good event to attend.

And … Its good to be back !

Perspective ??!?

Is our perspective of people distorted?

What do you mean?

I mean , what are the elements that we take into our consideration on judging a person.

You mean like , honesty , morals , respect , intellectualism and things like that ?

Well, yeah ! Those are some elements, though definitions for these elements you mentioned differ from one person to another.

How! Those are general terms that we talk about!

Yes !!! And that's why I say, it differs from one person to another. a group of people may agree on a general definition , but each one of them may add their own personal ingredient to that .

Now you lost me, what do you mean?

I mean, the definition of, hmmm , lets say intellectualism . You may describe someone being intellectual , for knowing a good deal of information and details , in a particular or a number of subjects , say for instance ; literature , religion , politics , history , languages, sciences . There might be a general agreement on those lines of knowledge. Yet , there are people who consider not knowing about latest video clips, movies, series , world wide clothing brands is such an unforgivable crime !

Okay , that’s extreme ! But that’s a personal definition. The two groups you are describing, apparently have different orientations and perspective.

See, we are back to square one . How can we judge people? Say, you met someone, and he proposed, how you can tell that he applies for the definitions you have. What if he does not apply to your mental definitions, yet he applies to your heart definitions, what if it the other way around ?


Hmmm , I don't know .. but does this mean that you and all of your friends share the exact same orientation or perspective ? I don't think so , there should be variations .. otherwise , there will be no spicing in your relation , whether with your friends , or with your possible significant other .

Could be .. it’s a complicated subject ..

Well , not complicated ... but debatable!

*picture taken from gettyimages .

قصيدة من الماضي ...

اذكر .. قبل سنين .. حينما كنت لا ازال طالبة في المدرسة .. اذكر انه كان للشعر طعم خاص ..الا ان ذاكرتي للقصائد اللتي كنت احفظها و ارددها حينها .. قد شابتها الشوائب .. و أغار عليها غبار السنين .. فلم اعد اذكر شيئا مما حفظته يوما ... .

لكن لست ادري لما ذا اليوم دونا عن كل الأيام تلمست الأبيات الأولى من هذه القصيدة طريقها لذاكرتي .. فوجدت نفسي ابحث عنها .. حتى وجدتها .

القصيدة للشاعر الفلسطيني عبد الرحيم محمود بعنوان "الشهيد ".. و ها هو نصها

ساحمل روحي على راحتي .... والقي بها في مهاوي الردى

فإما حياة تسر الصديق .... وإما ممات يغيظ العدى

ونفس الشريف لها غايتان .... ورود المنايا ونيل المنى

وما العيش لا عشت إن لم اكن .... فخوف الجناب حرام الحمى

إذا قلت اصغى لي العالمون .... ودوى مقالي بين الورى

لعمرك إني ارى مصرعي .... ولكن أغذ إليه الخطى

ارى مقتلي دون حقي السليب .... ودون بلادي هي المبتغى

يلذ لأذني سماع الصليل .... ويهيج نفسي مسيل الدما

وجسم تجندل فوق الهضاب .... تناوشه جارحات الفلا

فمنه نصيب لأسد السماء .... ومنه نصيب لأسد الثرى

كسا دمه الأرض بالأرجوان .... وأثقل بالعطر ريح الصبى

وعفر منه بهي الجبين .... ولكن عفارآ يزيد البها

وبان على شفتيه إبتسام .... معانيه هزء بهذي الدنا

ونام ليحلم حلم الخلود .... ويهنئ فيه بأحلى الرؤى

لعمرك هذا ممات الرجال ... ومن رام موتآ شريفآ فذا

فكيف اصطباري لكيد الحقود ... وكيف احتمالي لسوم الأذى

أخوفآ وعندي تهون الحياة ... وذلآ وإني لرب الإبا

بقلبي سأرمي وجوه العدا .... وقلبي حديد وناري لظى

وأحمي حياضي بحد الحسام .... فيعلم قومي بأني الفتى

Hot chocolate & Gerard ..

So I've been blabbering about Gerard and its amazing hot chocolate with marshmallows for a while now.. and although I admitted in one of my comments, on Tamara's blog that I've been staying away from delicious food and chocolate for a while , trying to control my eating habits , which by the way have been drastically ruined during the past summer , Ramadan and the two weeks after Eid , yet , today the temptation was stronger than what I can handle !

After a long loaded Thursday , having to stay late at work , eating barely half a sandwich , I came back home , to go out within less than half an hour , to pick up my mother and sister. So in our way back , we were close to Abdoun , and that chocolate lover devil started whispering in my ears " Hot Chocolate with Marshmallows ... Hot Chocolate with Marshmallows … Gerard is less than 5 minutes away .. you can do it ..go .. go .. gooooo" so it took me like half a second to convince mom and sister .Actually it was effortless job, they said okay without having me to convince them into it, and we headed there , promised with the pleasures of chocolate taste in a winter cold night .

I thought it would be okay for me to order hot chocolate this time, since I did not had much food during the day, so I needed the sugar and the calories – you know.. In order to survive- and ordered my sweet hot drink. You can see the picture DOWN.

The place was full as usual, so I held my precious drink with both hands, and sat outside. It was a cold night, yet all my sensations were warming up with every sip I take of this heavenly sweet condensed drink, and my heart was dancing and bouncing to the flavor of every marshmallow piece melting on my tongue ... ahhhh .. SUPER!

And since I believe that such pleasures should be shared, I took few pictures while the lovely staff was preparing our orders. Now my favorite is the chocolate fountain they have, I swear to God that first time I saw it , I had that childish desire to stick a finger under the running chocolate "falls" and tasting it ,and went further in my dreams into filling a cup and drinking it right there . Does this sound normal , or do I sound like choc-psycho ?

Another picture for ice cream cones dipped with chocolate and nuts, I've always wanted to have one of those and fill it with 3 scoops of ice cream, but every time I get that thought, I bury it, knowing that I'll probably end up having to work out 3 days in row to burn it! I wish If I can be less freaked out about this calories- burning thing.. ah.. pity.. I envy people with high metabolism rates !

Last picture for ice cream flavors, whether its summer or winter, an ice cream is never too cold to have !

Enjoy the pictures..

Words that "rhyme" with winter ..

Its not the type of rhyme in poems, its more like things and words that sound perfect with winter ,at least for me ! I know how many people hate this blissful season, I used to be one of them, back when I was at school and university! However.. Now I can hardly imagine myself living in a place that has no winter!



With no specific order , here are they ...

Warm family gatherings .. Warm friends gatherings.. Romance ..Cuddling .. intimacy ....Sipping Hot chocolate from a huge mug where both your hands are warming up by the hold of your mug ..Chocolate of all types … lots of tea .. American coffee.. Sa7lab.. Cinnamon hot drink 2erfeh " we call it Eainer " .. Lo2met el qadi "also known as 3awwameh" .. Cookies .. ma2routa .. chestnuts "kastana"

Soups "especially lentil soup ".. Heaters.. Fire places.. Reading lots of books and magazines.. Nice TV series and movies.. Walks under the rain .. Snowman.. snowballs.. Snow hikes.. Snow while it falls .. Heavy clothing .. Heavy elegant coats… waist length jackets with nice collar.. Less flesh showing " well some don't let cold weather stop them !" .. Trendy boots.. Scarves of all types .. heavy cologne .. play cards.. barjees "some know it as barzees ,and some don't even know it . For the last type , its an old traditional game played with special stones and a cloth where you have to move the stones " ..

Long nights where you can get enough sleep.. Fog "its almost like living on clouds" .. the lovely washed color and smell of horizon and sky after rain .. Napping in you balcony letting warm winter sun cover you "not for long time though, its harmful" .. better hair .. healthier skin .. Suspense and horror movies.. Romantic movies..

**Update ** Fairooz angelic voice in the early rainy and foggy mornings

These are some of the things that sounds Wintry to me.. And despite the fact that I freeze in cold weather , and that my hands never ever get warm .. Yet I am in love with this beautiful season ..



Share some of your thoughts if you felt like it ..

Is it a state of mind ?

Sometimes you get so frustrated and depressed that you feel your stomach will blow out any minute because of stress building up inside.

It starts like little twitches in your stomach, that builds later to a huge invisible -yet felt- knot in the center of it, and on the way a little furnace in your lungs, that heats up your exhale every time you take and withdraw a breath . That later during the day, it becomes a noticeably annoying and effort-needed process to breathe.

And when that happens, you no longer feel like you can keep up the good, friendly behavior with people around and you no longer stand any out-of-line comments or words, nor you can tolerate people's "sense of humor" because you are totally out of mood. You hold your tongue and nerves a million times, so you wont jeopardize your "Calm friendly character" and spell out something that would hurt them , you wish if people understand but they wont, and You just want everyone around you to shut up, and leave you sink in your own puddle of frustration and depression .



You could've had worst days, yet you were able to handle them better, but there are other days that the smallest thing may trigger your frustration and pick it up to highest levels, where you no longer can take it. It could be a broken phone line, an undone business, a comment that you did not really need to hear, an answered phone, a hang out you prepared for yet it was last minute canceled, or simply waking up on the wrong side of the bed. It could be a million silly things that triggered that nasty feeling in you to invade your system like a wild wave.

And the worst part is that this "feeling" is usually an irreversible thing in a one day interval , I mean , you cannot just switch back to norm within same day , your system and body are simply too much infected with the poisons of your status of mind , that it will take a whole day to flush. So all you could wish for is , to have the day pass fast ,and to spend it away from others , or at least the way you want with the people you like, where you can start maintaining the damages , hoping that an overnight sleep will finish it and freshen you up again the next day .

Blabber

It’s the first working day after the long vacation of Eid. Surprisingly; I am fully alert and energized! I usually feel mushy after long vacations , more precisely , Eid vacations , because of the intense social activities -visiting and being visited- however, this time was a bit different , having the weekend coming right after Eid , was a good opportunity for relaxation and adjusting back to winter timing , winter weather and getting back to usual after Ramadan life style .

People in the streets seemed relaxed today too , regardless the traffic jam on my way to work today's morning , there were no horns pressing , no shouts and I can swear that I saw some people smiling behind their wheels " speaking of our traditional morning frown here in Jordan , today seemed to be an exception ! " .

I reached work around my usual time, greeted colleagues on my way to my office and then headed to kitchen – I simply like making my own drinks, I feel they taste better and they way I want them rather than having someone else making them for me - to make my long missed mug of hot Nescafe , added my Hazelnut flavored coffee creamer , started sipping it while scanning the stacked emails in my inbox.

They day has passed fast , having a long meeting , then following up with pending matters , I had more than one opportunity to stress about few "work stuff" , however, I passed them pleasantly and maintained my peaceful happy temper.

Yet ,something tells me that the coming days at work , are not going to be easy , many changes have been happening recently , blowing old traditions and messing things up , turning them upside down and I am the kind of person who dread changes , its not that I am not flexible , but I dread the side effects of changes , the unwanted results .

I guess this post is more of a blabber and sharing some inner confused thoughts, especially in the last part . I simply had this need to write something down, spilling out a peace of my mind.

My friends & I .. personal thought

Today , was the big day for our annual Iftar gathering . We have made it a tradition since the second year in university that every Ramadan , no matter what , we would find the time to gather and meet for a pleasant iftar meal . Back then ,when we started it , we were still students, we had low budget to manage with , therefore, we had to stick to the fast meal restaurants , I remember our first iftar gathering was in Pizza Hut Abdoun , we were 9 girls , we had so much fun that day , and I remember how we went right after that to Tche Tche Abdoun , for coffees , teas and argeeleh . Tche Tche Abdoun is no longer there, I've passed by Abdoun circle a while ago , and the sign was no longer hanging there . It felt a bit weird, We had such sweet warm memories attached with that place that goes back to university days, I guess nothing stays the same , even places change .

As years passed, the group no longer had nine in it , it got lessen , some got married and traveled and some were swept away with life matters and sadly no longer kept the strings attached . Its really weird how this part happens, have you given it some thought on how close people can drift away ? Anyway, the core four of that group remained together, and followed the tradition in every Ramadan since the first time. And along the way , we gained new members to our group.


We were eagerly looking for the get together this year, because it has been a while since we've gathered all ,and got totally engaged in a cozy warm chatter , not worrying about anything else other that those few hours we had together . We all needed the escape into each others company .I was feeling extra relaxed today with my friends . I had such a good time , that at some point I wanted the time to freeze and let me feel this serenity with all my senses. I simply wish that we will be always able to continue with this sweet tradition , and we will always remain the best of friends , I love you girls .

Have you ever ?

Have you ever had something in your mind and heart , that you wanted deeply , you've grew up believing that you can have it all , whatever your thought or dream was , there are no barriers to keep it away from you , its only a matter of time ,for there is nothing that cannot be done or fulfilled , have you ever felt that ?

Have you ever been in that state, where you were able to almost touch your dreams , taste their sweetness and live them vividly?

Have you ever felt like you could be chasing a shadow?

Have you ever felt like wanting something or someone bad, believing that this is all what you want and whom you want in every aspect you want, to realize that you're alone on that boat?

Have you thought of tomorrow always as a better day to come, but always woke up to taste the same bitterness of yesterday's under your tongue?

Have you ever planned your life, calculated the events in each and every passing year, to realize later that you can exhale for the reason that your calculations and your plans are merely a suggestion to an already set plan?

Have you ever felt like crying a river, as hard and loud as you can, but to no one ears but your creator, for HE will never judge you , for HE will only hear you and comfort you ?

Have you ever felt, like wanting someone to see through you, read you without a sounding word?

Have you ever been lost in your path, tripping by the pebbles of your thoughts, dreams, hopes, because you keep on missing your way with all those hanged confusing signs?

Have you ever felt you have the forever to re-right your mistakes and correct your tendencies, to be hit afterwards that there is nothing called " forever that I have" , there is only now to start with , for when forever comes it will be too late?

Oh .. have you ?