Staying alive ..

I have finally written a vacation request , finally , after killing my self off in working , hard , staying late at work , missing my gym classes which has grown to be a routine for me in the past three years , passing through ongoing depression and frustration phases , stopping to believe in my abilities every now and then , and then again , recharge my powers to keep on believing in them , suffering an ugly moody state , missing the relaxed serenity of not worrying about anything after leaving work to home , spending weekends rehabilitating from the long tiring work days and surprising business trips , putting up with heavy kidding and “entertaining characters” , add to that , ugly competition . Finally, I’ll be able to take a break from this headache.

I realize that I am stealing those few moments of my work time to type down my thoughts, I have been wanting to do this for sooooo long, every time I pass through this state of repulsive depressed mood, I feel the need to vent it out into words, share it with my screen , for it wont get bored of my complain, which unfortunately affecting me in so many ways and which for some reason I cannot hide any longer .

Its surely not always as bad or frustrating, this style of vivid and speedy life isn’t always bad, it shows you what “precious time” mean, and you at some point get accustomed to it, however , its when you reach that point of taking no longer load , stress , suffering the delayed and pending success proves on your hard work , its then when you can no longer take it . It could be me , but for the past month and half , this cloud has been raining over my head showers of depression , frustration and self loathing .

Why?
It could because I’m always trying to prove myself to everybody around at work that I am capable of handling this , that I am , actually, the first female who is able to put up with all of this ongoing work load , and that eventually , the fruits of my hard work will have to grow big & sweet and all will enjoy a piece of it . And that I never accept defeat. when I started at this particular stream , I knew that pursuing this work will be a hard job , and I knew that it will take time , but I have also given myself a year to evaluate myself and see if I can handle the challenge .

Challenge, it’s the magical word that keeps your engines roar, your head high, and your footsteps steady and confident, that is of course , if you are up to it. And for me , it has been my only motivation , add to that those who has gambled that I wont make it and those who believed that I will make all of it, and every time I hear that I get more determined of going all through to the end , my goal is , cultivating those fruits , and then deciding if I can handle more of this war , or if I would be satisfied in winning a the battle and call it a challenge !

Going home .. blogging from Dubai Airport.

March was a total madness , out of 31 days I spent a little over two weeks traveling between more than 5 cities and three continents.

Went to Cairo , Beirut , Damascus , Dubai , Lahore and Islamabad .
Being on the road is really tiring , despite the fun of seeing things from a different angle , and trying different life styles and atmospheres , getting to know people of different cultures , but still , its very unstable .

We arrived to UAE two days ago , had a meeting in Abu Dhabi , stayed in it for the whole two days . the city is nice , a lot of towers , wide streets , many of you are probably familiar with that city style , yet it misses the coziness I simply love in Amman.
Anyway , for the past two nights , after finishing with our business meetings , we went on walks in the city , and visited two of the pronounced malls , however each time , I reach when its almost the closing time , so I did not get to do any shopping , which is somehow better for my pockets !

Right now I’m in the Dubai’s airport , thinking to check the duty free after finishing this post .
I have not blogged for a while , neither checked any of my favorite blogs , its just that one becomes anti-laptop when you connect the laptop to work all the time. So usually , the free hours you get are spent somewhere away from the work tools .. anyone can get my idea here ?

Anyhow , I guess I’ll finish here and call it a post . gotta run and check the duty free before the take off :).

Blogging from .. Lahore Airport

I wrote this post about two weeks ago , did not have the chance to blog it earlier though .. here you go :).

"I am not kidding , I am actually sitting here at Lahore’s Airport , its 07:44 A.M. Lahore local time . we are flying back to Amman with a stop over in Dubai on Emirates Airlines , we still have slightly over an hour for our flight to take off. We just had some local cappuccinos along with two chunky kitkat bars as our breakfast .
I am thinking how boring my life would’ve been at this moment without technology, having my mp3 playing songs in my ears , while I am typing those words.

So , the question I’ll be faced with once I am back to Amman ( which by the way I miss SO MUCH, an overwhelming feeling of missing has been dominating me all through this trip , as if I am light years away from my family and the surroundings I am familiar with. This was not the case with other trips , but maybe , since I am way far from home , I just cannot seem to come over this feeling.

My trip started about a week ago , flying from Amman , to Dubai , where I spent few hours in it , headed to one mall (City center) , then back to the airport to continue flying to Lahore-Pakistan . I had this anxiety which is a part of my traveling routine every time I go somewhere new , but this time . It was even more , since it was to a totally different type of country . I was full of worries and expectations during my way to there, which took me almost a whole day of traveling.

We arrived at Lahore that day , early morning , around 03:00 a.m. , city was calm , yet not totally a sleep , you could see cars . bikes and motor cycles in the streets. The next days we spent in business meetings , extensive ones , we did not get to make any site seeing. I was only able to see the city from behind the car windows. A city that is heavily populated , streets are dirty and chaotic , polluted heavy weather , many shacks, lots of Reksha cars and trash is everywhere . yet , despite all of that , the city is full of trees – which I think it would died without, with all of this pollution in the air - and they has nice looking houses , also some nicely shaped neighborhoods .

As I said the air is heavy and still , shaded in white , its partly humidity , but most of it goes back to the fact that their main fuel for cars and vehicles is gas and diesel instead petrol. Which trashes the air with this white nasty shadow, along with that killer odder it vents along.

The Pakistani people are nice , modest , and very simple. Every time we went to a meeting , someone would jump and ask “ is this your first time in Pakistan , I’d go ; YES ! then they’d ask , how do you find Pakistan so far ? and I’d go , its .. ummm… well .. interesting ! “ the truth is , I did not like it here, its a bit rough living for me , but , I was surprised with few things over here . one of them is the motor way between Lahore and Islamabad , very modern , nice rests along the way , and green is everywhere.
To conclude , I’d say it was quite an adventure to go there , I still have many quirks that I think I should write about one day . but lets leave that for another time. "

Blogging from .. Beirut !

Country : Lebanon – Beirut.
Blogging from : the Hotel Room .
Time : Almost midnight.

This past two weeks were out of my usual serene calm world I’ve always knew, mostly loud , hectic and so little rest or sleep.

I have arrived from Cairo on Friday, spent Tuesday in Damascus for two business meetings, and right now , I am in Beirut !!!!

I still cannot believe that all of this moving around is real. Me being in three different countries, in less than one week! Actually, if I extended the week into ten days , then they’ll be five countries !

I am suffering sleep deprivation, ongoing stress, God knows how many deadlines have to be met and follow up actions required , however the worst part of all is I barely see my family or my friends , I feel totally disconnected from the life I know . however , along with all of the above , a part of me is enjoying the adventure that comes with being in a different place every now and then .

The flight was quick and smooth; my neighbor was a Lebanese man, offering free information about Lebanon. I was planning to take a short nap during the flight, however, with the ongoing shouts & giggles of the young passengers sitting in front of me, and my friendly and talkative neighbor , my nap plan went down the drain.

I am supposed to wake up early tomorrow, we have one meeting , and then we are catching the afternoon flight back to Amman , which wont give us any chance to tour around . to tell you the truth I kind of hope to miss the afternoon plane and go for the night plane , to look around during the evening, but the idea of rolling my bag in the streets of Beirut is a bit unpleasant . I kind of feel disappointed a bit , thinking that I am in here Beirut , yet unable to see any of its places. But I guess I will have to come back on a vacation sometime.

I am starting to see numbers and pillows flying around the room , a side effect of sleep deprivation and a clear sign that tells me its time to sleep . So , I’ll hit the bed , and I shall be posting updates soon.

On the run..

In less than one month, I had two trips to Cairo, but this time it lasted longer, a whole week spent in the city that knows no sleep nor rest . I guess being alert, workaholic and always ready for more work is a part of the genetic composition of the people of Cairo!

This time , I had to go to Cairo alone , and meet up with a colleague coming on another trip from a different destination. My flight was okay , it takes less than an hour to fly from Amman to Cairo , and between elevating and landing with the snack in between , one can hardly feel the time. One cool thing happened to me this time , was meeting an old friend from university days whom I haven't seen since graduation , it was a lot of fun to catch up with him about life and everybody's news . I am always hit by this refreshing wave whenever I meet someone that I used to know from university days and have not seen for a while ! its always fun to catch up about others news , and know which docks their life boat sailed them to .

This time , I got to see the day life of Cairo , the days were extremely busy , leaving hotel on a very early time , to catch up a meeting or two in the smart village , which by the way one of the cleanest , most mordent places my eyes spotted in Cairo. Other than this , our attempts gone with the wind trying to reach any destination on time , the traffic in Cairo is a killer indeed , and this makes me wonder if any one keeps an appointment over there .

This time I was lucky enough to have a peaceful seal in the great river Nile. The sensation was unbelievable , to set in that boat , at night staring at Cairo lights all around , and enjoying the peaceful gentle movements of the boat , very relaxing , and I would guess romantic as well if the right people were around .

On my last day there , and after our final presentation , we went to pyramids . the site is magnificent , the enormous size of them , makes you wonder how could they build it , in the size of a mountain , rocks shaped equally and piled up in that pyramidal figure . I guess everyone had the same wondering , staring at the top of the biggest pyramid , perplexed with delusion of it moving forward the longer you stared at it . I've been always amazed by the pharos culture, and will always be.

I was finally free to do some shopping, after we got back to the hotel . Fighting the exhaustion and sleeplessness I had out of waking up early and sleeping fairly late , I decided that it was my only chance to check the modern Cairo and pay City Stars mall a visit. So I went there, on my own , was a bit freaked out about moving at night but then all went just fine , and on top of that I managed to buy two pieces that I can't wait to wear :) .

So , my next destination would be .. Syria , Lebanon , Pakistan , all of it .. I guess I’ll keep you updated !

Do you believe in signs?

I am not really sure if I do. I had few incidents that made me stop believing in them, thinking that a decision or a feeling could possibly be taken or felt depending on random flying signs , that "happened to" match the mode of thinking you had for that period or day .

But how come that, sometimes, a thing happens that you don't give a lot of thought. And then, it happens again, so you pay attention to it. And then that thing forces itself to show up once more, so it finally attracts your attention and curiosity. And just like that, it gets a spot in your awareness of surroundings. And afterwards, the thing stops its pushiness into your life. So you wonder, but you do not over do it , until, it comes back, but this time with signs. All related to the subject of matter, but in different forms and three times in one day. Three very obvious and very subject related, where each sign feels as if it screams about its notion! Wouldn't that nock your mind off and make you think.. What does this mean?

So do I believe in signs ?! I don't know.. I am very tempted to, despite the fact how misleading they could be , I am attracted to the thought.
I guess , I'll be a better judge of that tomorrow , when the signs intensity demolishes , and things are normal again ..

Tagged by .. Nido :)

So the tag this time includes more personal questions, but the type fun to answer...

* After you die (----) what's going to happen to your e-mail?
- Will die with me I suppose , I hope no one will peak on it , TOP SECRET contents .. lol !

* Have you ever given your password to anyone?
- Can't remember I did, but for work domain, yes of course ..

* What kind of a relationship you have with those?
- To give my work domain password .. They definitely have to be colleagues .

* Your name?
- Danah

* Your age?
- 26

* Your horoscope?
- Virgo.

* Education?
- Chemistry B Sc. , but my work is not related to my study AT ALL , I work in a sector related to technology and telecommunication.

* What kind of personality do you have?
- I am a clam person in general, and shy, however, with friends I get loud and fun, I love laughing. I hate hurting people's feelings and I myself can be hurt easily.

* Define traveling.
- I am not sure , every time I travel I gain an extra experience , but also , preparing for a trip kind of stresses me !

* What's your mood?
- Depends, I am usually an easy going person, but I have my bad "do not even dare talk to me" days ..

* What do you do in your spare time?
- Gym, friend's hangouts,sitting with family , reading, TV , internet , walks around the block.

* Favourite food?
- Mlokhiyeh , Beef Stroganoff , My mother's Chinese and pastries .. Actually ..Everything Mom makes.

* Things you inherited from your father?
- His good heart, love for knowledge, and occasional bad temper.

* Things you inherited from your mother?
- Her warmth, kind heart and innocence, and I hope her good cooking!

* 6 things you hate?
- here are they randomly : Deadlines and getting stressed about them , gaining weight and not being able to control it , dirty mouth people, liars and deceivers , a family obligation after a LONG day at work on a work night , me when I have the blues !

* 6 things you love?
- My family, my friends, my work (most of the time), my hair, my books and honesty .

* Define work.
- Although I whine about it sometimes, but since graduation (that is 5 years ago) I never stopped working.. I like to work , especially when challenging my capabilities. Things I always thought I'd never be able to do , yet I face it and do it .. Add to that traveling included .. lol

* Define computer and Internet.
- Without them a big part of my life won't exist.

Thanks nido :) .. that was a lovely break from serious posts ..

Dull philosophical thoughts

How often do you say to yourself , when eating a delicious sweet in a pastries shop or a café , that if you owned this place you would never pass a day without having a piece of that delicious sweet you order almost every time you go into that café . Your tongue never gets tired of having the sugary taste sending pleasures of yummy signals to your brains making you feel all high and content? and then , here comes a time when you are there feeling like trying something different for a change , and suddenly , that pastries shop is out of all kinds but your sweet , but the problem is , you don't really feel like having it this time , yet you have it , simply because there is nothing else , it may still taste as good . But it also may taste less than usual , simply because you are out of options , and this is your only choice.


Same thing applies to life, whether it’s a person, a hobby or a job, whom or which you dearly care for and cherish, once you get over dosed with any of those, you probably will feel the need for some space, an open window where you can see another view , exhale some fresh air, and acknowledge the presence of other things in life other that what you have been destined to see for a good amount of time. Okay, I admit that I might have got carried away with trying to find resemblance between a piece of yummy pastry and other vital life issues, and I know that many wont probably agree with me putting people, hobbies and work all at the same rank, but maybe, if you looked at it from different angle and wear a different shoe – similar to mine - then maybe, you could see some rightness with my point of view ,( or it could be that I should find a better pair of shoes ! )

Do we hold affection for the people and devotion for the things we always cared for forever? Or do we pass through times where we loose that affection and devotion and feel surprisingly chocked with its magnitude? I mean, sometimes, caring for something or someone deeply and continually, can blind us from other things around us, especially if that thing or one is totally consuming, where you point all your efforts towards building, maintaining and keeping it. And it all evolves around it , where you have no choice to look for other "it(s)" around . But aren’t you entitled for a break? Where you can recover your breath, and forget all about forcing your whole-self to one thing? or does this analogy sound vague and a bit selfish ? I cannot quite decide.

I don't know, this could be a late night hallucination, a dull philosophical random thoughts, or a side effect of excessive and long work hours , that I might feel like crossing once I sober of this weird phase I am going through. But it does feel good to spill few thoughts out, I have not done it for a while, and now I can feel all good and comfy for letting out those cranky thoughts out of my head.

Thoughts on Cairo Trip ..

"First , a little note , I would like to thank you all for dropping by my blog , and asking about me , I am fine , and I miss all of you , and I miss reading and communicating with you and commenting on those thoughts you leave on your blog sites . My “lame” excuse is work, and I think this will last for a while. But hopefully, I will manage to escape the load every now and then ( like today) and post something and check some blogs . Also , I would like to post a special thanks to the caller (Rasha ) for her kind idea of meeting while I am in Cairo , which unfortunately did not work out , due to the short time , however , I hope it will work out in the coming trips , inshallah :). "

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“Its way after midnight , and I am sitting on my bed in my hotel room , I can hardly keep my eyes open , or my lips from drawing that content smile on my face . Today was our final full day here in Cairo, tomorrow, we will be heading back to Amman, and despite the fact that those past three days and half were
extremely loaded with work , yet , I had a tiny chance to check out some parts of Cairo , mostly being in the car moving from one place to another , but I had a chance to go and set at Alfishwaie coffee place . One idea was running in my mind the whole time that I should come back here, for a vacation. I simply envy the people of Egypt on their transparent funny lovable spirit. You simply cannot feel anything for them except love them, and feel like coming back, despite the huge traffic problem they have, but that is a minor reason that wont stop me from going there again, since everything there makes me feel like coming back.
I can hardly keep my eyes open, I should get some sleep and I’ll write more later

That was one of those random diary style paragraphs that I typed during my stay in Cairo. It’s been almost a week now since I got back. Still, I carry the memory of that short trip with me. We headed to Cairo Airport last Saturday, that’s about ten days ago, and the overall feeling I had back then was being anxious and worrying about several business meetings I planned and wished that will go just fine , having some management personnel with me , made me stress over the visit , because I wanted things to go perfect . However, the minute we landed, and headed to our hotel , things started to feel good .

The three days we spent where full in exhibition (Cairo ICT) activities from early morning till around 8 p.m. at night , but it gave me a slight idea of a country I’ve never been to before , yet always dreamed of visiting ever since I was a little kid , since I grew up reading for a lot of Egyptian authors, in so many parts of literature , like Najib Mahfouz, Yousef Alsebaei, Ihssan Abdalqouddous , the series of Rajol almosta7eel , Malaf almostaqbal and ma wara2 altabee3a , add to that “alghaz, which where very popular when I was a kind and teenager “, so it was always a dream to pass by and be around places like Helioplois , Maadi , Down town Cairo , Khan alkhalili , Alqobba square (Midan 7adae’q Alqobba) , the river Nile, pyramids ( I only saw them from a distance , but I will come back for all the Pharaoh ruins again ) as well as the Smart city (very neat !!!) And many other places.. Everything was so lovely in a dreamy way. I did not get to shop though, only passed for a fast food pickup , by a big mall called city stars , but there was no time at all for shopping .

I met wonderful people during this trip, the partners who has hosted us, there is always something nice in meeting someone you always knew through the phone for business, and then meeting him/her for real . You have already broke some of the ice , having dealt before , but the actual meeting always add to the relation and strengthen it in a good way .
The Egyptians are definitely a warm nation, loving and always open for guests. and I also came to knew they have a big thing for the Levant people “ahel Belad elsham” .. lol:). Its funny when dialects between us cross, and we start trying to explain what do we meant by this or that. But also, I have learned that Egyptians are workaholics! most of whom I met , worked day and night , and saw their families during weekends only . Or this might be restricted to the sector that I am in , which has to do with telecommunication and IT .

All in all , I am planning to visit it again inshallah , if things went fine with business , then there is a good chance to have another short business trip , but I have already set my mind to come again for vacation , tour around , and enjoy the lovely spirit of that ancient country .

Going to Cairo ..

I have finished packing my suitcase a while ago. I tried to limit myself with cloths I am taking, but winter cloths are heavy! and I am trying to imagine how am I going to handle my suitcase , my purse , the laptop and the brochures bag . Use your fertile imagination to picture a tiny person buried under all of those bags and struggling her way to the checkout point!

So, why Cairo ? It's definitely not for leisure (I wish if it was though), it’s a business trip, and the schedule so far seems loaded. I will spare you the headache I am living lately, and wont blabber about the goals and the preparations for this visit, however part of it will be exhibiting our products in Cairo ICT. I still hope that we'll have sometime to tour around and see some of Cairo's features; it would be such a pity to reach it and not visit its famous places.

I just wish if I don't worry this much when traveling is involved in any plan. I think I have some sort of a pre-traveling phobia. My mother traveled today to visit her hometown , tomorrow's morning it will be me , and around noon time my brother will also take off to another destination . I know this is normal in many houses around this glob, but it feels a bit new to our house, to have three members out of country, leaving the other three handling their business on their own.

I am scheduled to be back by Wednesday, and as weather news says, snow is expected in Amman that day. I have this tiny evil wish that it would snow after I arrive, so that I won't have to go to work the very next day, because we have another business trip scheduled to Damascus, and I feel exhausted already by the mere reminder of it!

Being a regular .. or too much of a regular ?

I like going out, trying new places, having hot steamy drinks and chocolate rich cookies in winter time. And sometimes, when I get so comfortable with a place, I rank it as a favorite, and I become a regular customer there . It feels good to be a regular at some place, because you make sure that, the staff will welcome you, take care of you , finds you a table , and pamper you with their service , and it also feels good to feel familiar with the place and the other regular customers around . But, when does regular get to be too much?

This evening, I was out with a good friend of mine. It's been a while sine we met, just the two of us, and exchanged latest news on all levels. I just love my meetings with her, because no matter how long it was since our last meeting, no ice ever builds up, and we easily go into conversation. So, today we hit one of our favorite coffee bars, asked for our coffees, and then had a seat and started chatting.

The staff has been joyful and helpful , and we usually smile back , and act nice , yet , the idea of joking and exchanging conversation does not appeal to me very much , I like to keep things semi-formal ,not too stiff , and not too friendly, just friendly and nice but in a formal way.

Anyway, so we decided to change our table into another more comfy table that others were occupying and just left, so we moved and waited for someone to come and pick up the latter group mugs, but no one came, I guess because no one noticed the table exchange. So I thought, I'd go and ask someone to come and pick them up (it's not very pleasant to be sitting with others leftovers, even if it was coffee mugs!). So I went and asked for some of the staff's help, and there were they all standing, grinning, and trying to be "overly cute" joking with me saying "Why don't you pick it up?" . At that moment, I was not sure how should I react, to frown or smile yellowish-ly , but I was not very comfortable with that remark . I simply turned on my heels and headed back to my table with no more words. After a minute, one of the staff came to our table to pick up the mugs, apologizing and saying they were just kidding, and they always joke with their regular customers. I couldn't help it to let him know that this kind of joking was neither pleasant nor funny. He apologized again, and after a short while , we were sent complimentary coffee ,on the house.

That coffee bar is still one of my favorites, for many reasons, regardless this tiny situation. But, was I right in showing my annoyance? Is it okay when people of the staff cut that line and start acting like old friends? Well, the only thing I know, their apology gesture was kind, I would still go there, but maybe I should shift towards more formal way in conversing!

Shooting star .. self journal

Too many things are taking place lately at my work, lots of work load, and I am still trying to squeeze it all in those 8 hours, without any success, to end up working for 10 and 12 hrs sometimes.

I almost forgot how does it feel to be free of all work obligations, and to be at home , wearing something comfy , a PJ or a training suite , with soft slippers in my feet , wearing my glasses on instead of those annoying contact lenses scrunching my eyeballs warping my hands around my big hot mug of green tea , seeking serenity and warmth . And enjoying that soft track for Corrine Bailey Rae singing in the background :

"Just like a star across my sky,
Just like an angel off the page,
You have appeared to my life,
Feel like I'll never be the same,
Just like a song in my heart,
Just like oil on my hands,
Honour to love you ….."




And no, I am far far far away from falling for any "star". My star is still wondering somewhere in that endless glamorous space. I simply happen to find the song soothing and romantic , and the words seem are easy to murmur ..

This does look like another self journal post, though I just cannot resist it. It's been a long tiring energy consuming week, and the hardest is yet to come...


And Corrine is still singing:

"I wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this,
With anyone but you,
I wonder why it is,
I wont let my guard down,
To anyone but you
We do it all the time,
Blowing out my mind.. "

Morning race ... RUN !!!!!!

You open your eyes slowly, letting the sunshine penetrate into you. You're feeling extra comfy this morning. And while you are still enjoying the warmth while tucked in under those warm sheets, stretching your arm to the table next to your bed, grabbing your mobile to check on time, and then as if a bee has just stung you, you jump out of your bed, you are LATE!!!!!!!!!

So, you have over slept, snoozed your mobile's alarm several times , and when you finally decided to wake up , its just late , you have about 20 minutes to get dressed , have breakfast , and then 5 minutes to fly to work . You discover that you can, go to toilet, iron and slip into your cloths, do your hair, grab your breakfast, and brush your teeth in 20 minutes. And then you run to the garage storming out with your car.

Great !!! traffic today is working against you , everybody seems to be taking a pleasant "drive" this morning , doing some sight-seeing in their way to work , and not going over 30km/hr. and you are trying to by pass them , but it is a bit hard . Your first traffic light, and the line of cars is WAY too long , and you start thinking that they should find a solution for this annoying daily jam on that traffic , and you start day dreaming that your car will convert to a grindizer , and start jumping between cars or flying in the sky to reach work , and you smile with frustration at the thought.

You have less than 5 minutes left! So traffic light is green, Thanks God!! and you think that your way will be open above that bridge , and you'll sprint between cars , to be stopped by big trucks this time , where the hell did they came from !!!! Aren't those huge vehicles supposed to stay parked until evening time! So, you are slowed down again , day dreaming again , about having a huge car with rubber side contours to push other cars from your way , just like that car game you used to play in the entertainment park when you were a kid. Back to reality and start trying to maneuver your way to by pass those monstrous vehicles , and racing with time .

And you finally there, one minute late, its an achievement!!! To be at work after 25 minutes from your wake up time and still manage not to look as if you jumped out of bed to your desk .

Time to relax, have your morning Nescafe, and making another promise to yourself, you will never wake up late .. again !

5 Things that you may (not) be very interested to know about me ..

I have been away from blogging and blogs for a while now, I am not able to read my favorite , regular blogs , nor check on them . you will have to excuse me guys for that , I really miss reading it all and catching up with every blog, but I might still need more time . add to that , I haven't been posting anything for sometime. It happens I guess .

So, I've been tagged twice, first time by Summer and second time by Tamara , to tell five things about me that you do not know ..

Hmmm.. this should be easy , since technically , no one reads for me knows me personally , well , okay , some might know me from work , and some might be my friends in real life , but the majority , do not know me in person . So, let's see:

1. I am intimidated by public speaking, especially in front of a group that is over 6 people of total strangers! I fear it to the maximum limits! I once had this workshop, the group consisted of 20 people and the workshop lasted for 2 days, one exercise was to stand in front of the U-shaped table and explain something on the white board. I was fine, until I realized that I'll be speaking in a loud voice in front of twenty something people whom I've just met! And, I'll spare you the details of my utter embarrassment, or I might just share it in another post one day!

2. Everybody seemed to mention the food and fruits they hate, and my share of that would be Eggplants and Guava, still, I like Baba ghanouj and Guava juice! And since we are still on food, I eat "7elbeh" and I do not find it gross! I bit many people will find this weird , most people I know hates it !

3. When I become passionate about something or someone, I just become "passionate" and I give it all my energies and resources, because I end up believing in this something or someone, but the bad part about that is, I am never patient enough to wait for results, I always unconsciously demand or expect fast results, whether at work on in my life, and I have to admit, that one should be patient and sometimes I lack this asset.

4. I am a hopeless case when it comes to singing a song with the its right words ! I can mumble my lips with what seems like its words, I could get a couple of words right, but the actual lyrics, never. And I'd end up making up a word to fit in instead of the real one, and sometimes a whole line ..


5. I over analyze things, and I am "the mother of assumptions" as a dear friend of mine calls me. There are things or situations that I would go over and over and over in my mind to an exhausting limit (makes me sound paranoid .. eah!) I assume all the time, and the annoying part is that; I believe my assumptions! And adjust myself to them before even the situation happens, very bad.. Yeah I know..

So, here I have shared a piece of my personality, not very cute, but true. And look at that , I thought I had nothing to write about , and I ended up with a medium sized post !

I will leave the tagging chain end here on this part though :) .. But whomever feels like sharing their "private 5 things", is always welcome to write them down.

Mumbles and inside wonders

How often do we mean the things we say?

How often do we mean it when we say to a friend or a close one that I'll be there for you in anytime and in any situation and we are THERE for them when they need us?

How often do we think that old flames of affection for people whom we've grown fond of will remain and stay the same or even ignite as time passes?

How often do we mean it when we say to someone we miss them, and when they say it back, do they really mean it? Then why is it we don't hear from them, unless if we picked the phone and dialed their numbers?

And how come "love" is a word that can be thrown on someone's ear, that in a matter of years it vanishes as if it never been pointed to our hearts , and they are strangers in the street?

And how many times we thought of a person as a friend, that we'll depend on his/her unquestioned and ongoing support and love, to find that years will steal those precious friendship senses of the relation, leave it all formal and dry?

How often we build dreams and wishes on imaginary basis, and then fall into our delusional illusions , to be shaken up later from those dreams and fall into the street of real life?

How often our sweetest memories of different intervals of life shape up our relations to some people , and as we think it will remain and sustain it forever , we get smacked by the one and only truth that nothing remains the same , even the best of relations ?

Is it that we love our past more than present? Is it that we "imagine" that those were a better days and yesterday is a day we lost and can never get back? Then why do we run for our future? Because it will be a past one day?

Who does even care …