I am craving for a break ! I need a break .. seriously .. everything around me is driving me nuts .. And it consumes a lot of my remaining energy to follow up my work and do everything that I am supposed to be doing, time is simply flying when you need it most . Its in such times that I have this crazy fantasy of running away to some little cottage in a mountain with a lake outside and lots of green bushes around, fresh clean air , no pollution or street noises , only calmness and peacefulness all around , where I can go sit on the shady terrace with a nice book and have nothing to worry about in my mind other than the moment I am living .. Wouldn't that be neat !?
I do realize the fact that such combination only exists in my dreams, obviously ,because I cannot run on my own , moreover, there are mountains but no lakes here in Jordan , and finally , I don't have a cottage house!!
I think I'll have to accept the fact that my warm tea mug next to me along with these lines are the only logical escape I will be having for the rest of the day ..
Saturday, July 15, 2006
Sitting on his bed.. with both hands resting on his knees .. Gazing into the emptiness of the blue sky ahead of him .. Thinking that its only a matter of hours and she'll belong to another man.. a stranger whom only knew her for few months .. and whom now is justified to hold her , kiss her and dance with her .. While he would be lucky if he got to shake her hand anymore.. he closed his eyes .. laid on his back folding one hand behind his head and putting the other on his chest somewhere near to his heart .. diving into a sea of sweet innocent memories with her .. she was his cousin .. and she was his childhood companion and the infant love of his seventeen years old heart .. they all lived in one big building with their grandparents on the ground floor , while his father and each one of his uncles inhabiting one floor of the six story building .. he was one year older than what she was .. a year difference was huge back then .. when they all were little children .. and when he was her guardian angle .
They had a lot of cousins .. one big noisy loud funny young gang they were .. they all used to gather and play in the garden till late midnight time in the summer .. and in school nights they used to go down to their grandparents just after they finish their homework and circle around their teita ,, while she was telling them those wild stories of ogres ,Genies and the treasure chests .. she used to sit next to him and burry her little head in his chest whenever she is scared of the tale .. and he used to put his little arm around her shoulders to grant her a better sense of security as long as she was by his side .. Then when its bed time and they all climb the stairs to their houses and beds , he would dream of saving her of those ugly ogres and finding the treasure ... and she was always by his side .. whenever they went to the nearby store for some chips and gum , he would always grab her hand and keep her to the inner side of the road, away from cars .. he simply felt obligated and responsible of her ..
Years passed .. and they grew up .. she was blossoming .. turning into this divine young woman .. while he was struggling unsuccessfully to hide those annoying squeaks of his semi child semi masculine voice .. they were not allowed to play closely anymore .. and she was spending more time with the older female cousins now .. away from the other cousins and away from him .. yet .. whenever they were all together she used to keep close to him .. until last winter .. he was on his way out to meet a friend .. when he noticed two ladies with a young man whom he did not recognize approaching the gate .. he did not give it a lot of thought and went on his way .. a week later .. her engagement was announced ! a news that came as a falling rock on his head .. he couldn't believe his ears nor his eyes .. she was only sixteen ! and she was getting engaged to a 27 years old man .. and he cannot do anything about it ! he has no car .. he has no job .. he has no house .. and above all he is still a student .. whom is deprived of his love ..
Aware of the horns noises outside.. he opened his eyes .. and slowly got up from his bed .. he put on the suite jacket .. took one last look in the mirror on his pale face .. then stopped by his drawer .. opened it .. grabbed that yellowish old photo of her sitting on his lap ten years ago .. Registering in his mind that this was the closest he ever got … and that he lost her .. forever.