Sunday, June 25, 2006

Sleepless Sunday nights!

I am "sniffing" my Nescafe waiting for the aroma to penetrate through my nostrils caressing those sleepy nerves in my mind, and then sipping this purposely condensed hot drink in another attempt to wake up!

I simply hate Sunday nights.. I went to bed relatively late last night.. I always have this insomnia on Sunday nights as well as on every night with a holiday before.. No matter what .. I always end up awake with a meaningless struggle with my bed sheets to sleep.. so last night I laid my head on my pillow .. Relaxed my body .. Read the Quran versus I am supposed to read.. closed my eyes .. and waited for the sleep fairy to come and put me into the half dead half alive state .. I am waiting.. waiting.. waiting.. Nothing is happening .. turned to the other side .. tried to empty my head of thoughts .. not working ! okay .. lets count sheep .. my imagination is worked up a little and I am picturing the field where the sheep are eating , shape of fence they are going to jump off , state of weather.. blue sky with few white clouds scattered here and there .. great !! DETAILS ! meaning .. very alert mind .. no way to get any sleep .. fine.. Turn to the other side .. Now I am feeling hot .. no breeze coming from the window .. and I am too lazy to get up and splash some water over my face to cool down .. so.. Again turn into the other side .. this time .. focus .. focus you have to get enough sleep in order to wake up early .. I am stressing out! .. again closed my eyes .. and started to imagine myself in that nice dreamy lake shore .. hmmm .. okay .. what am I going to do about that task I have to finish tomorrow .. Ooops ! no noo this is wrong .. when you are trying to sleep , you shouldn't be thinking of the work you have to do the next day .. God.. I am way passed the state of half dead half a live.. I am very much alive ! okay .. so I get up .. drink water and splash some on me .. then grab a book and start reading .. maybe my eyes would go tired and I would fall asleep .. I am using a dim light after all so my eyes should get tired ! .. eventually they do , but my mind is still alert .. its 3:30 a.m. and I am still awake with no signs of sleepiness .. I eventually give up , go back to my bed put my pillow on the other end of my bed and close my eyes .. Hear the Iqameh .. then hear the Dawn Adan .. that’s exactly when my eyes start to feel heavy .. I snatch myself out of bed , pray and then fall like a stone into my bed and finally sleep !

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Do you ever feel this way ?

There are days in my life that pass by without any marks.. days that are so plain , that I don't even feel the difference between day and night in them , where all I would do is work , exercise , watch TV and sleep , nothing else going in my mind , no plans , no feelings , nothing .. Totally numb to the surroundings around me, yet the feeling isn't always that bad , its more like living each day by its own , not worrying about the future , which was my major reason to sink into a deep depression state past winter , worrying too much , about my work , my future , the fact that I have no one in my life to secure my emotional feelings , when its about time to find a partner to commit with for a life time , and see a new perspective of life as being a couple . its kind of hard when one see his/her friends all are in a nicely committed relationship with their significant other , either married , engaged or in their way to such a stage , you feel happy for them being pleased with their lives, and thinking that its good to be the last one single , because you know you can handle it on your own , but you would worry they wouldn't , that why again , you are glad they are hooked up with someone who cares for them , hmmm .. Strange funny logic isn’t it… more like an excuse of acting brave!
It’s the loneliness that kills ,the feeling of being with no partner when you crave for someone whom would share you a life , to celebrate your youth and best years with a person whom you will love and protect .

However, life goes by, and one keeps in mind that there is no need to be with someone who's not the right one, so no harm in waiting for the right person.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Longest day ever

Ever had the feeling that.. This day ain't ending! Minutes are more like hours.. it takes forever for a 5 minutes to pass , and an hour feels more like half a day ! And on top of all of that no urgent work to finish or do, nor I feel like doing anything today, and I finished all topics and small office talks for the day , I do not feel like browsing the net nor reading anything and I still have annoying traces of summer flu which makes me have this gross gluey feeling . Its one of those lost days which you know that you cannot get back, you feel sorry for losing them , because it’s a day minus your life without any flavor in it .. Those days tend to start as ordinary days, however, as the day hours pass by, one realize the slow motion of everything around. And amazingly enough, you aren't the only person who would feel this way, as if it is something real that others also sense! Everything seems to take forever in it , and action that would consume at least two hours of your day , finishes in about half an hour , which again adds more meaningless hours to your day.

How come we feel some days are soooooooo long, while other days pass in a heart beat?

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

the Start

Today is my first day in blogging !

I have always had a million thoughts in my mind to write about , but funny enough , now , as I am typing my first post , thoughts are running away , actually , I feel as if I am standing on stage preparing to say a speech , yet chocking with my thoughts instead of my voice ( can thoughts squeak as well ? ) . The funny thing is in my career, I will have to face the fact that one day I MUST perform presentation to a large audience, all staring, hearing and paying attention to every detail you do while you are on the podium ! isn't that scary ? the idea itself scares me ! Although away from public speaking, I am a very talkative person!

Anyhow, until this day comes, I will hope that I will get over the Public speaking fear issue I have!

Please do not be hard on me and judge too fast, give my blog more time , brows in every now and then , read , comment and I hope you will come back !