Saturday, June 10, 2006

Do you ever feel this way ?

There are days in my life that pass by without any marks.. days that are so plain , that I don't even feel the difference between day and night in them , where all I would do is work , exercise , watch TV and sleep , nothing else going in my mind , no plans , no feelings , nothing .. Totally numb to the surroundings around me, yet the feeling isn't always that bad , its more like living each day by its own , not worrying about the future , which was my major reason to sink into a deep depression state past winter , worrying too much , about my work , my future , the fact that I have no one in my life to secure my emotional feelings , when its about time to find a partner to commit with for a life time , and see a new perspective of life as being a couple . its kind of hard when one see his/her friends all are in a nicely committed relationship with their significant other , either married , engaged or in their way to such a stage , you feel happy for them being pleased with their lives, and thinking that its good to be the last one single , because you know you can handle it on your own , but you would worry they wouldn't , that why again , you are glad they are hooked up with someone who cares for them , hmmm .. Strange funny logic isn’t it… more like an excuse of acting brave!
It’s the loneliness that kills ,the feeling of being with no partner when you crave for someone whom would share you a life , to celebrate your youth and best years with a person whom you will love and protect .

However, life goes by, and one keeps in mind that there is no need to be with someone who's not the right one, so no harm in waiting for the right person.

3 comments:

Qwaider قويدر said...

This is called "running on autopilot" You're going through the day's activities, but .. there's nothing going on with you
I have learned in my years of being alone how to Be alone without feeling lonely. It took me so long to get to this point. But once I did .. it was so amazing for me
Don't worry about partners ... they will eventually come. And don't think you will be relieved when they show up!! You will have a ton more responsibilities to these weird creatures that crawled into your life somehow!

(Tealover) said...

Amazingly.. one of my depression reasons back then was the thought " I will be relieved when my partner shows up " .. well of course that's false ..one should simply look at all the good things in his/her present life and lives by them .. no one can come up with solutions for everything .. And happiness is a state of life that one creates or demolishes ..

Qwaider قويدر said...

Exactly, Happiness is 90% perception and 10% reality.
That's why when you go to the poorest neighborhoods in Amman, you find these little kids, who can't afford to even buy a foot ball or shoes or anything. Yet they're happy ans smiling all the time. Because their perception is undistorted with all they have.

Look at bill gates. The guy is the richest man in the world. Yet, when you look in his eyes, you know immediately that he's not happy. He's doing all sort of charitable work to make himself feel better.