Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Random Ramadani craving : Tarabolsieyh

Today is slow , very slow ! The past two days were running without a leash, obviously, because my hands were full with ASAP-must–be-done tasks .However today is moving like a turtle ! It could be because I do not have lots of work to do, actually I have few things that need to be done, you know those little scattered tasks that you know you should finish and if anyone asks about it , you'll shove your hand and say "Uh , piece of cake! I'll be done with it in no time " and then you realize its accumulating into a group of small irritating tasks that you need to be done with , your subconscious is telling you are being silly putting them away and you should be done with them ,but you are simply stalling, because you don't feel like it today ! How unprofessional!

Anyway, that's not where I was intending to go with this post. Actually, I wanted to talk about a food craving that I had. Yesterday, I had the most consuming craving for an Arabic sweet called Tarabolsieyh** I was sitting on my desk doing some work , everyone was talking about food and sweets "the main chatter in Ramadan , next to religious issues ,family visits , TV shows and everybody's lack of proper sleep " and of course Atayef had to be mentioned , Atayef with cheese ,Atayef with walnuts and some new revolutionary Atayef with apples and raisins ( right !!! With apples and raisins. it made me wonder about its taste! Sounds like a good combination with cinnamon and melted sugar, but as an atayef ! hmm , I should try it and see ) and in the middle of everybody's talk I was haunted with the thought of Tarabolsieyh , I suddenly was able to smell , taste and chew it in my mind ! The smell , the memorized taste of sweetened pistachios under my teeth and whipped cream , all over made my mouth water , and I kept seeing pieces of Tarabolsieyh flying around me at work ! The case were food flies around me happened before, it could get as bad as seeing people with food heads!

Its funny how our bodies respond to cravings, like for example, whenever someone mentions lemons and salt, my mouth wont stop watering! But you know what is even funnier, is how mind ties some foods to specific occasions or people. In the case of Tarabolsieyh , I only had this kind of sweet at one of my friends house , when she used to invite me over for Iftar each Ramadan , Tarabolsieyh was the first sweet we start with after finishing Iftar and starting the tea and coffee session . My friend got married and moved out of Jordan, and the memory of me and her having Tarabolsieyh remained with me in every Ramadan. A part of my craving might be well explained by the fact; I miss her ever since she has traveled away.

Of course, after work I went straight to the only bakery that prepares it in Amman, grabbed some to have after Iftar , you can see below the single remaining piece !

**( It is a sweet , I am guessing Lebanese from the town of Tripoli , as you can see from the name. It consists of two parts the lower is smellier to ma3omoul be fosto2 7alabi and the upper is a type of whipped cream called Natef , however, these days they are using the ordinary whipped cream )


Thursday, September 14, 2006

Blew it out

She blew it out, she blew it out for sure . Just like every other time someone tried to get closer. She always manages to get to this point were all her senses freezes. And were she gets defensive. She simply thinks that any attempt from anyone to get more acquainted with her is, fearful.

She was sitting in her office, staring at the screen in front of her , it was noon time , everybody in her office was out for lunch . However, she had no apatite. Her day did not start good. She did not have good night sleep either. Today simply feels like a long extension of yesterday. She tilted her head back in an effort of soothing her tired neck muscles, and she managed to close her eyes for few seconds, they are burning with exhaustion and lack of sleep. She rotated her chair towards the window so that anyone passing by her office door won't see her napping. And she tried to relax her body. Just for few minutes, she needs to concentrate in her report, she has a lot of figures to solve and distribute. She took a deep breathe , and folded her arms on her chest . But in few seconds, she realized that her attempt is useless, her thoughts were magnifying now, and his face is haunting the blackness scene of her closed eyes.

She drifted again in her thoughts .She believes that she has a serious problem when it comes to relations, she thought. She always manages to get friendly and pleasant with people around her, she knows how to build bridges, but she is surely more knowledgeable in how to ruin them if someone crossed a specific area , she usually have a good judgment of people whom she meets . But every time a guy approaches her and tries to get closer, she feels that her security ground is falling apart. She tries, but she always fails. She really feels like she wants to get to know this person . She wants to go for may be something further, but something always holds her back. And that was the case with him.

She knew him through her work, where she occasionally met with him in different events and meetings. She remembers first time she saw him , did not really leave a mark in her mind , back then , all she knew was him working closely within same domain as hers . The next time, he was attending this rally, she remembers that she was standing with some colleagues, when she heard someone saying "Hi Salma' , keifek ? " (Hi Salma , how are you ?) .. She turned to see who was greeting her, the voice was familiar to her ears, and she found him stretching his open hand to shake hers. Back then, he managed to keep close from her during lunch time, and he appeared to know some of her colleagues, so he joined the group table, and before the day ends, he made sure to give her his card and she of course had to give him hers in exchange. That day, she made this mental remark of this guy, nothing much underneath it, the words nice, humorous and gentle flashed in her mind. She ran up to him coincidently several times after that , in different occasions , business and randomly in her hang outs with her friends , her mental remark was fatting up now , she had much more other terms now , he is cute, lovely chatter , smart , elegant and extremely polite.

She always sensed something more behind his welcoming enchanting behavior when she was around , she caught him staring at her more than once , but as usual , with all childish idiocy of hers , she never matched back the look , she had this unbelievably annoying tendency of being shy and instant blushing , and she hated it when she blushed , and she thought that by never matching his look , that she is giving him more space , and that she is saving him and her from awkwardness of the gaze , she thinks now , she has always done that , she simply cannot get over this childish habit .

she grew fonder about him, every time she saw him. but never able to show her fondness. Her shyness and lack of relationships experience made it hard for her to let him see that she also cared. However , she thought he has to read her mind , he surely read it , even at that one time when he tried to ask her out and she refused , he had to understand that it was not about rejecting him , it was simply her shy nature , she deemed he understood her.
Not long after that, he stopped showing around, and coincidences of random meetings were not there anymore.

Months passed, she thought of calling him, but again, her shyness was her drawback, "what would she say? Will he care ? Where was he ? why is not he showing up or calling anymore ?" she remained perplexed with her thoughts , until yesterday's evening . She was out with her mother shopping around household stuff, when she recognized this tall figure by the far end of the show table, it was him! he was standing there examining some china , her eyes glowed and she was about to overcome her shyness and go to say hi , just to realize that he was not alone , or more like , he was no longer alone . There was a nice looking girl standing next to him, holding his hand picking up the China with him. It was only then , when she saw , that she was too late and he was no longer available .

Someone knocked on the open door; she opened her eyes and turned her chair back facing the comer, ah, office boy delivering some mail envelopes to her. She thought she needed a cup of coffee to sober, But she headed first towards the toilet, washed her tired face and cupped her eyes with her iced water filled hands , trying to disguise tears she no longer was able to hold , going back to square one in her thoughts .. She surely blew it.

Sunday, September 10, 2006

Guess what .. You've been "TAGGED" !

Obviously, there is some "tagging" activity going on the blog-sphere these days , where each fellow blogger tags another fellow blogger to answer this some sort of "Blog questionnaire " , and you are right , I have been tagged , by my blog-friend the caller http://thecaller.jeeran.com/nadaha , Thank you :).

( and on a totally irrelevant subject .. I wish I knew how you guys make a link , tried that but failed awfully , it would look much nicer than putting the real link into the post , I know ! well , I guess I'll make it one day by error and trial !)

And before I'd start answering the questions , I only want to note one thing , that's it's been less than 4 months for me blogging in , yet , I find myself feeling more comfortable about writing and posting as time passes , although , I have to say at the beginning , I thought I would give up fast .

Now , moving to the questions :

1- Do you like the look and the contents of your blog?
Generally, yes. Though, there are few things I wish if I can change , like , the line width and how can I add a picture to the top of my blog page , you know , these sort of "only IT people would know " things . Can anyone give me tips on that?

2- Does your family know about your blog?
Nope , I am not sure if they would be interested , but I would bring it up , if we ever discussed blogs !

3- Can you tell your friends about your blog? do you consider it a private thing?
Well, I have mentioned it to a couple of close friends, not to everybody though, the thing is, people wont be interested about "the thing" unless if they have the same passion you have for it.

4- Do you just read the blogs of those who comment on your blog? Or you try to discover new blogs?
Both , I am always interested in viewing the blogs of whoever leaves a comment on my blog , it's not like I have a traffic jam here :) , so it's easy to check them out , and I do check new blogs every now and then , whom with a short time , I become a frequent reader and commenter of as well .

5- Did your blog positively effected your mind? give an example.
Yes, somehow , it has given me a window with a new and different view to the world , to my thoughts , and to the concerns of others ..

6- What does the number of visitors to your blog mean?do you use a traffic counter?
Well , the number does not necessarily mean "something". But ,whenever I see the number of visitors coming up , I smile childishly to my screen ! Nope, I do not have a counter other than what's provided by the blogging service itself.

7- did you imagine how other bloggers look like?
Yes, if they did not have pictures posted on their blogs , and the imagination is always influenced by their writings .

8- Do you think blogging have any real benefit?
For me , yes , otherwise , I would've stopped long time ago.

9- Do you think that the blogsphere is a stand alone community separated from the real world?
No, it's is another shade of communication in this world , sometimes, people can elaborate better in writing , without having any drawbacks to keep them from it .

10- Do some political blogs scare you?do you avoid them.
Well, no , I tend to brows a lot , and read from here and there , why should I be scared though ?!
11- Do you think that criticizing your blog is useful?
In a way, it could be useful.

12-Have you ever thought about what happen to your blog in case you died?
No , haven't reached to that stage .

13- Which blogger had the greatest impression on you?
Everyone I read for ,affected me differently , I realized how some of us can be so much alike , and how can we be so much different , and that , in some things , we are never alone . also, it’s a mind opener , the debate that goes on different topics , can stimulate ones mind for looking for truth

14- Which blogger you think is the most similar to you .
I have a name :) .. but naaa , I am not going to write it down.

15- Name a song you want to listen to ?
Actually, two songs " Ba3dak 3ala bali – Fairooz) and, (Habibi – Julia Botross).

16- Ask five bloggers to answer these questions on their blogs?
Well, guys, it has been sort of fun answering these questions, so , don't hate me for tagging you :) .. I heard that you are obligated to answer once you're tagged .. so .. have fun !


( P.S of course no one is obligated you should do it only if you felt like it )

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Busted !

I knew this ought to happen sooner or later, someone will recognize something, a title, a photo , a little piece of info. , anyone accidentally dropping by my blog .
Well , to start with , I knew that most of my friends don't really blog or know about this blogging community thing .Actually , I was the one who brought this matter up to them in different occasions , and some has heard of it , some never heard of it , all in all , no one seemed to be that interested in knowing what could it be about . So , I thought , well , no harm to stay anonymous , only known through my blog ID , and the posts that I write down every now and then .

" Masks we hide behind"

Some of us , may have came clean about their identities letting everybody know who they are , and what they do in life , sharing sometimes the intimate details about their daily routine . while, others may have enrolled into this blogging habit, as an escape, writing down whatever, they want, to discuss, to share or feel, knowing that they could be wandering all by their own on their blogsphere , or they could be fortunate enough to have others feel interested about what they bring out on their spaces , and pay them a visit every now and then Yet , they manage keeping a decent space between them and the people whom they interact with behind the blogging ID's.

"The mysterious us "

So when it comes to the internet world, no matter how individuals try to keep their anonymity, there will be someone who would recognize them. And in so many cases , we provide the tools to be recognized .We may have started with a low profile , but with time , we tend to leak scattered pieces of information here and there , that would make the pick up and the gather of it easily achieved .And sometimes , we may do this unconsciously , wanting –in our deep inner selves- someone to recognize us .

Monday, September 04, 2006

Getting personal ..

So far , the day started well , I am in a good mood , having my daily " work days " Nescafe , but haven't got into work mood yet . Still , I am not really worried about that , because I have finished a good deal of work last week and yesterday , So today , I can breathe a bit , and spare sometime writing something new .. Actually, it's not my idea, I kind of borrowed Tamara's idea http://labyrinth-of-the-soul.blogspot.com , she shed some light on her personal life yesterday by showing us one corner of it , her desk :) ! which can tell some about the person sitting behind . In my case here and generally speaking , my desk is messy.. I admit! Lots of meaningful and meaningless work papers scattered here and there, with a promise in my head that, I will drop by my work one weekend to clean it all up ! but , I guess that is not happening anytime soon , I've made that promise over 4 months ago !

In the first picture , you can see the "meaningful and meaningless work papers piled up " to the far right of the picture , and believe me , that's a good day office look , then you can see my Mexican patterned Nescafe mug , obviously, my Agenda , my screen and keyboard , and some of my work bodies – the little toys here and there , and yes , I still have my childish moments , and often speak to Claire , the little doll with that big head , sitting on my mobile chair , she has been with me ever since I started working , right after graduation , so , you can say she gets me , because she has seen it all :) . Now , left to the screen , you can see Mr. Sponge Bob , with other toys , collected from various "kids meals" deliveries , , and NO , it's not about the toys ..I just happen to find the size of those meals satisfactory !! really !

Now in the second photo, you can have a glance on how messy it could get sometimes, with "meaningful and meaningless work papers scattered allover " , obviously, Claire is having a bad day as well ..

Well , I guess I'd better start the real work now :) .. and I will be dropping new posts , soon .. I promise ..