Thursday, June 28, 2007

Staying alive ..

I have finally written a vacation request , finally , after killing my self off in working , hard , staying late at work , missing my gym classes which has grown to be a routine for me in the past three years , passing through ongoing depression and frustration phases , stopping to believe in my abilities every now and then , and then again , recharge my powers to keep on believing in them , suffering an ugly moody state , missing the relaxed serenity of not worrying about anything after leaving work to home , spending weekends rehabilitating from the long tiring work days and surprising business trips , putting up with heavy kidding and “entertaining characters” , add to that , ugly competition . Finally, I’ll be able to take a break from this headache.

I realize that I am stealing those few moments of my work time to type down my thoughts, I have been wanting to do this for sooooo long, every time I pass through this state of repulsive depressed mood, I feel the need to vent it out into words, share it with my screen , for it wont get bored of my complain, which unfortunately affecting me in so many ways and which for some reason I cannot hide any longer .

Its surely not always as bad or frustrating, this style of vivid and speedy life isn’t always bad, it shows you what “precious time” mean, and you at some point get accustomed to it, however , its when you reach that point of taking no longer load , stress , suffering the delayed and pending success proves on your hard work , its then when you can no longer take it . It could be me , but for the past month and half , this cloud has been raining over my head showers of depression , frustration and self loathing .

Why?
It could because I’m always trying to prove myself to everybody around at work that I am capable of handling this , that I am , actually, the first female who is able to put up with all of this ongoing work load , and that eventually , the fruits of my hard work will have to grow big & sweet and all will enjoy a piece of it . And that I never accept defeat. when I started at this particular stream , I knew that pursuing this work will be a hard job , and I knew that it will take time , but I have also given myself a year to evaluate myself and see if I can handle the challenge .

Challenge, it’s the magical word that keeps your engines roar, your head high, and your footsteps steady and confident, that is of course , if you are up to it. And for me , it has been my only motivation , add to that those who has gambled that I wont make it and those who believed that I will make all of it, and every time I hear that I get more determined of going all through to the end , my goal is , cultivating those fruits , and then deciding if I can handle more of this war , or if I would be satisfied in winning a the battle and call it a challenge !

17 comments:

Summer said...

Welcome back !!
I will have to come back to read your post! in between countries now but will make sure to comment on it once i am back home!
Good to see you here!

nido said...

Welcome back Danah:) Hope you'll be feeling better soon! A vacation seems to be the perfect answer now:) enjoy it!

(Tealover) said...

Thanks Summer :) .. I'm glad to be back , and I'm ever more glad that you guys are still reading for me :) .. have a safe trip back home .. and hope to see you son inshallah ..

Nido :) !!! Thanks alot dear :) .. it's been a while .. keefek ? a vacation is the right thing , the moment it was signed :) I elt energized !

Summer said...

Enjoy your vacation, do not stay away too long from your blog, it should give you some release...have a great time. are you staying in amman for your vacation?

safa said...

hi dana..welcome back..don't know what to say dana..that day when i ran into u..i said in myself this is not dana i know..i couldn't fine the energy i used to see in ur eyes..the laugh i used to enjoy hearing..i thought it is just being apart for a long time is the reason for my feeling..i guess i was wrong..any way wanted to say something..it is gr8 to hv a great creer life..but what is greater is to hv a blanced life..we live life once..if we don't enjoy every moment of it we will be loosing alot..so live ur life girl..try to find balance..

7ala said...

Welcome back dandosh :)

3n jad elsora mo3abbera kteeer 3n wad3y!!!! ba3raf hai el7aleh :)

Abdullah said...

Salaamat Danah,
May be this type of work is not yours you need less stressfull job
and one that you enjoy doing.

Tamara said...

Danah

Welcome back ! I missed you so much, hope this time you are back for good.

It's great to have a challenging job, but be careful that it does not drain you, then you will not be good for anything for a long time, a year sounds like a fair time to evaluate a career path, and remember one year later you will have more options since you will have a lot more experience.

(Tealover) said...

Thanks Summer :) I'm planning to inshallah

7ala :) Thanks Sweetheart ..I hope you get some time off as well !

Allah ysallmak Abdullah .. you could be right , but I have given myself a year to see ... :)

Tamaraaaaa I miss you to sooo much ! :) I am sooo sorry for being away all this time ..

Exactly ,, that's what I though .. one year is good enough to decide if I can handle it or not .. but I'm drained already :( .. I hope I'll be in a better shape after vacation !

Summer said...

just came by to see if there is anything new...nothing! hope you have a great evening and i do hope to read from you very soon. take care and ramadan kareem!

Caller said...

missed u danah..
blessed ramadan..
I read this post today when i'm suffering almost the same..plus some complications i let myself slip into..
i'm requesting a leave of absence on sunday inshallah..i hope i do well..and i hope things are evaluated and more relaxing for u now..
May allah bless u dear.

(Tealover) said...

Dear Rasha I missed you as well :).. Ramadan kareem with many happy returns on you & your beloved ones inshallah ya rab ..

I have took some time off from work .. it was good , but then I got back to the same "cyclone" of events .. it just got me to believe there is nothing easy .. we may pass through easy phases in life .. but life is struggle after all .. and we have to be up to it ..

I missed you too .. but for some reason i can no longer see your blog ?!!

I hope you'll keep in touch with me :) ..

take good care and I hope the leave of absence gave you some rest inshallah :)

Summer said...

Wishing you and your loved ones a very happy 2008. Enjoy!

Rasha said...

danah, where are u?
I hope everything is great for u but please tamnena 3aleki.
love u:)

Qwaider قويدر said...

Inti wainek? Ti3rafi inno ishta2nalek kteer?!

I hope you get back soon

Arab Lady said...

coming back anytime soon?

Tealover said...

Arab Ladyyyyy :) ..

Yep .. started blogging again .. hopefully will keep it up this time :) .. I tried to get into your blog , but for some reason it says profile not available .. what's up ! how can I get into your blog ?!

Miss you and your flammable posts:)